Should Career Come Before Family?

Early in my career, I was so driven to succeed, that I gave up TV. I thought that TV was a waste of time and that only lazy, average, and below average people watched it.

I didn’t just replace traditional TV with YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, or pirating movies on my laptop. I literally didn’t watch anything. Instead I read a whole bunch of business books like Good To Great, Influence, The Goal, The Essential Drucker, Made To Stick, Never Eat Alone, Linchpin, and Built To Last to try to get an edge in my career. But even reading started to feel like work. I stopped reading fiction even though I loved books like The Alchemist, The Time Keeper, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, and The Celestine Prophecy.

Back then, I was single and single-minded. Today, I’m married with a kid. And I have no shame watching TV anymore. In fact, last Thursday, I watched a record 4 hours straight bundled up on the couch with my wife and I have no regrets. We watch Modern Family, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How To Get Away With Murder. In all honesty, I didn’t enjoy each show, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that I was spending quality time with my family.

Presence > Paying A Lot

There are two ways to watch TV—passively and actively. I realized that my younger self hated passive TV. But it wasn’t just passive TV that I hated. I hated passive living. It’s not about what you do, it’s about how you do it. I can gain enjoyment from washing dishes, folding clothes, and gardening if I’m fully present.

As someone who wants to be a present partner and present parent, I realized that presence is more important than paying lots of money. What’s the point of paying thousands of dollars to fly my family to Disney Land if I’m checking my email every 20 minutes? Instead, a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood in which I’m fully engaged could mean just as much.

My wife and I don’t watch TV passively. We comment throughout the show. We laugh in each other’s arms. We make jokes from the show our own like “That’s what she said” from The Office. We put the TV on mute and talk to each other during commercials.

The younger half of my brain was like the news commentator who bashes the United States President for going on vacation and playing golf during a war. The other half of my brain was like a kid who finished their homework before sundown and simply wanted to play until the street lights came on.

We never judge a kid for how they chose to play as long as their work was done. But as adults, there is a sense that the work is never done. There is always more to do. And if we don’t do it, we will be behind some illusionary competitor who is an early bird and night owl and just works, works, works.

There is a time for everything—a time to be serious and a time to be childlike. As adults, we’ve forgotten that boundary. In the words of Beyonce and Jay-Z, “I want to be forever young.” I don’t want my childlike spirit to die in pursuit of society’s definition of success. Adulthood and the responsibility that comes with it doesn’t have to mean the death of who we really are.

Prioritizing The People I Love

Will I do that every Thursday? No. But last Thursday, I went to sleep with no guilt, regrets, or feeling of being behind. Are other people in my profession kicking my butt because they worked last Thursday night and I didn’t? Maybe? Maybe not? And guess what…I don’t care. What matters to me most is how my wife and daughter feel about my presence, not what the market thinks. If slow success or less success professionally is the price I have to pay for being a great partner and great parent, so be it.

The moment my daughter was born, I became the third most important person in my household. I thought that as a parent, I was supposed to tell her what to do, but I know who the real boss is now. No boss or client of mine can wake me up at 1am, 3am, and 5am crying and expect to get an immediate response from me. My priorities have changed, not by chance, but by choice.

My goal in life isn’t only to be a successful professional. I also want to be a successful partner and parent. And though my goal to be a successful professional came first in terms of sequence in my life, it doesn’t come first in terms of priorities. My first priority is my wife. My second priority is my daughter. And my third priority is my profession.

I encourage you to prioritize professional, parent, and partner in writing in the way I have above. I’m not suggesting that my order is the right order. It’s mine. What is yours? And do the people you love know your priorities. Them knowing will shape their expectations of you.There are many people who are extremely successful professionally, but suck as partners and parents. And there are many people who are great parents, but aren’t great professionals.

If your career is more important than your family, own it. Oftentimes, we say we’re working hard for our family, when in fact we’re doing it for ourselves. Our ambition and work tends to take us away from the people we say we love. Walter White, the chemistry professor turned meth dealer from Breaking Bad said it best when he told his wife “I did it for me,” as his empire started to collapse.

Does Career Success Alone Make A Successful Life?

There is an American narrative that suggests that if you succeed professionally, everybody will love you and your family will understand because your success will afford them a lifestyle they couldn’t otherwise have. I think that is why many people put their career ahead of family. In addition to that, I think we also want to have an individual sense of achievement whether we have a family or not.

I’m not the only one with this internal struggle. In an interview with David Bradley, Indra Nooyi, Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo and mother of two daughters shared her mommy guilt. Nooyi says "We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I'm not sure they will say that I've been a good mom.” A few months ago, Mohamed El-Erian, former CEO of Pimco, left his position for part-time work after he received a letter from his 10-year old daughter that listed 22 important events that he had missed due to work commitments that included her first day at school and first soccer match of the season to a parent-teacher meeting and a Halloween parade.

Given that these people are quote-on-quote already successful, it’s easy to say that it’s easier for them to slow down because they’ve already made it, they have millions, and they are older. But the one thing they can never buy back are those moments and times with their family.

My Dad Growing With Each Kid

I am the oldest of three kids and I can attest that my father got better with each kid. With me, he was pretty absent because I was born during his rise to the top. With his second son who came 4 years later, he reached the top and felt he has more autonomy, so he started coming home earlier and getting involved on weekends. And with the third son who came 2 years after that, he had established himself professionally and started to slow down a little bit. He made it to every baseball game and soccer game he could.

Many people let what they do define who they are instead of letting who they are define what they do. But your day job is likely not your only job. We all have several roles. Everyone is someone’s son or daughter. Perhaps you are a brother or sister. A mentor or soccer coach. These roles don’t pay money, but they give us meaning. As Drake says in his song Trophies, “Ain’t no envelopes to open, I just do it cause I’m supposed to.” How much do these roles that don’t have money attached to them matter to you?

Hopefully the new and future working parents, myself included, can get off on the right foot with the first kid. If not your kids, then your partner. And if not your partner, then whatever other role is important to you outside of work.

Wishing you more happy hours,

Full credit to Jullien Gordon for writing this article

I'm a recovering workaholic helping people experience more happy hours while doing their Life's Work. If you liked this, click the BLUE FOLLOW BUTTON below to get more from me.

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Procrastinating? 3 Ways to Find Motivation for Your Work

Is the fire in the belly you once felt for your work a flickering flame? Are you avoiding the next task on your list? It can happen to all of us. It could be you need a change in career. More likely it could mean you've simply lost touch with what energizes you about your role now. I know the feeling. We all do on certain days. So what do you do?

Here are three ways I restore my passion for hard work. What are yours?

1. Think less about what you have to do and more about what you can make happen. On weekends, I take bizarre comfort in cleaning a room or sweeping the yard because I can tell my efforts yielded a clear and visible outcome. I stare for long minutes at the evidence I accomplished something visible. On the other hand, a day's work at the office can sometimes have an excruciatingly incremental quality. Maybe you tried and tried and nothing seems better or different. The hard work of progress at many jobs is scarcely evident and can wear you down unless you remember why you are grinding away at it in the first place. Worry less about what's in front of you and more about what the end result could be. Write down where you hope your efforts will lead you and post this thought in your field of vision. Sometimes, to get through the day, you need to take time to imagine where you you are headed. For me, possibility is a great motivator.

2. Give your purpose a pulse. When you need inspiration, think of how your work can positively affect any living being. What will your efforts do to make something - anything - on this planet a little better? Ask yourself: "At the end of the day, whose life is better for what I do?” My best days are when I am reminded I made a difference for someone - or even better, many people. Talk to customers or beneficiaries or colleagues whom you are serving - and listen to how your work matters. If you're not feeling it, commit a random act of kindness for a co-worker. For me, people are a great motivator.

3. Look for little, good moments. One night a few years ago, I was standing on a metro platform waiting for the train home and my head was a swirl of anxiety: When would all of my children be happy? When would everything at work go according to plan? When would I understand my place in the universe? As the train pulled up, I realized the answer was mostly likely never. What was I thinking? As a slow learner, I only came to this conclusion after a long day at the office -- and more than four decades of living. I have no idea why I was so late to the epiphany - or why it came on a crowded railway platform - but I felt infinitely better then and ever since. I don't dwell on what's not right but rather try to look for a few good moments every day. Maybe it's when something fantastic happened - but more likely it's because one small thing in a meeting felt right or someone made me laugh or the coffee was especially good that day. In my experience, joy at work is a series of tiny beautiful incidents, which you string together over time into a larger meaning. It's not a sustained experience of happy industry - but that's what can make the nice parts more exquisite. The trick is to see them and savor them. For me, perspective is the best motivator of all.

Please share how you find your fire on the tough days.

Like this article? Then connect with Willem Tait on LinkedIn at http://za.linkedin.com/in/willemtait/

First published Media/ePals

What It Feels Like When Your Startup Fails

It was the morning after our failed launch, I had just dropped off my kid at preschool as a rush of emotion hit me like a sledgehammer to the gut. At that moment, I thought it was because of my 4-year old’s struggle to leave my side, which never failed to draw a tear. As I bawled my way to the car, I quickly realized it was much greater this time. His tears were just the trigger that set me off. My “everything’s great” tough guy exterior was cracking. Everything was not ok. I wasn’t ok. The company wasn’t ok. I cried on and off for the next seven days. This was my first experience with company failure and it was devastating.

Fortunately, at the time, no jobs were at stake and no investor money was on the line. Just a whole of lot of people who were let down. Life and business continued.

I used it as motivation. I still had a passion for the company and that was all that I needed.

Micro failures continued for the next two years. Nothing catastrophic, but also not inconsequential. Bad decisions, bad hires, bad communication, bad product, bad results. All of those things began to add up. Mornings became more difficult. Days were dragging on. Emails were daunting. Distractions became welcomed. My productivity went to nil.

What was this?

This was failure setting in, although I couldn’t see that at the time. Looking back, I had two simple choices: 1. Do something. 2. Don’t do something.

Without being aware, I chose option 2.

Shortly thereafter, the time had finally come and here’s how it went …

You realize that you are out of money and out of options. You try to hang onto hope for one simple reason — because you don’t want to be seen as a failure. Although you’re sad, you’re also kinda relieved (although you would never say so). After the decision is made, there is a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders.

You spend the next several weeks (sometimes months) doing nothing productive and call it reflecting. Really, you’re just licking your wounds, moping around looking for a pity party.

After your “reflection” period, you begin to come to terms.

You’re sad for reasons that you wouldn’t expect. At first you think it’s because you loved your business and you couldn’t imagine a future without it. In reality, you’re sad that you let down those that believed in you. You’re sad because you lost someone else’s money.

You’re sad because you have bills that need to be paid and you’re broke. You’re sad because you think you’ve lost the trust of others. You’re sad because you don’t know what you’re going to do next. And, you’re sad because you think you tarnished your image.

The only thing your not sad about is losing your company. Why? Because you finalize realize the hard truth — you lost your love for the business, otherwise it would not have failed.

You finally figure out that you were the reason the company failed. You lost your drive and passion for what you were doing and nothing else mattered. It wasn’t lack of sales, lack of funding, lack of product/market fit … or any other excuse you could come up with. It was you. Plain and simple.

Eventually you get back on your feet and you fall in love once again. And, the cycle continues.

I’ve finally come to realize the obvious — if you lose your will to survive, you’ll die.

If you don’t want to fail, find your will to stay alive, everything else will follow.

True story.

Like this story? Then like Tait Brands on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/TaitBrands

First published at StartupsAnonymous.com

17 Tips and suggestion on how to deal with #Complaints

Dealing with complaints in your business

It costs much less to keep an existing customer than to win a new customer, so retaining existing customers is more profitable for business.

Providing good customer service is not as hard or as costly as you may think. You don't need to do a business course or send your staff away for lengthy training. This page contains some simple guidelines to help business owners and managers establish their own policies and systems to resolve customer complaints effectively.

What good customer service means

Good service builds customer loyalty

If a company has effective customer complaints systems in place, many of those customers with questions or problems can be retained. Satisfied complainants can be nearly as, or even more loyal than, customers who did not have a problem.

Mediocre service drives customers away

Even if things do not go badly, research suggests that some customers will still leave because they are not totally satisfied with the service.

Poor service drives customers away

And they will not always come back and give you the chance to put it right. Often you will be the last person to hear about your customer's problem. Many people will not bother to complain to the business concerned. They will talk to their friends and ‘talk' with their feet by taking their custom elsewhere. Even if they do complain to you, you could still lose a number of these customers after only their first complaint.

Negative word of mouth is spread and believed at twice the rate of positive word of mouth. And social media such as Facebook and Twitter allow people to share consumer experiences - both positive and negative - straight away.

Things customers say they value highly include:

• having a problem fixed first time, and on time
• having confidence that you know what you are doing
• not being blamed for the problem
• showing concern for their situation
• being kept informed of progress
• being advised what they can do to help avoid the problem recurring.

Handling complaints

Examples of poor complaint handling which we have seen include:

• not having any way for customers to make their complaints to you
• not having a system to record complaints
• failing to acknowledge there is a problem
• not taking responsibility for the problem, and repeatedly giving the customer the run-around by making them deal with other staff
• blaming the customer for the problem, or saying no-one else has complained
• lack of knowledge of the problem
• lack of knowledge of consumer law
• taking too long to respond
• having staff with no authority to make decisions to help the customer
• offering no solution or offering a solution which is unlikely to resolve the problem
• promising to contact the customer and not doing so.

Customers are looking for their problem to be easy to report, acknowledged and dealt with quickly, sensitively, and fairly.

The following checklists include ideas to help achieve the above principles and to help you develop good complaints handling systems.

Reporting the problem

Ensure that your contact details are readily available to customers – eg, in the Yellow Pages of the telephone book. 

When the problem is reported

• Thank the customer for bringing the problem to your attention.
• Treat the customer with empathy, courtesy, patience, honesty and fairness.
• Speak to the customer in person, and do not rely solely on written complaints, or records of conversations.
• Show the customer that you clearly understand their problem by listening and taking notes.
• Ask questions to clarify the situation.
• Do not jump to conclusions, apportion blame, or become defensive.
• Summarise back to the customer your understanding of the problem.
• Respond to the problem quickly, tell the customer how it will be handled and tell them when they can expect a response.

Solving the problem

• Tell the customer you are taking responsibility for dealing with the problem.
• Familiarise yourself with any background information. This could include checking internal records, speaking to staff and checking how this compares with the customer's version of events.
• Be solution-focused by involving the customer in this process.
• Make sure the customer is happy with the proposed solution before going ahead.
• Ensure that the solution meets any legal obligations. If the customer is asking for more than their legal right and you feel they are making an unrealistic demand, explain what the law says. You could refer them to this website or the Citizens Advice Bureau to check on their legal rights.
• Where there are no legal obligations, offer a solution that in the circumstances best meets the needs of your business. For example, if the law says a customer is entitled to a repair, you may be willing to offer a replacement if that is what the customer wants. The cost of satisfying the customer is likely to be less than the cost of losing them.
• Make sure you do what you promised to do, and don’t delay – quick action will keep customers happy, but stalling and delays will lose customers. If there is going to be a delay, tell the customer.
• Tell the customer what your business will do to prevent the problem from happening again.

Following up after the problem

• Keep a record of the complaint, and what you have agreed with the customer.
• Invite the customer to inform you promptly if they are not satisfied.
• Keep a record of all problems and complaints raised.
• Use these records to help you evaluate your complaints handling systems. They can help you identify recurring problems with particular goods you sell or services you offer.
• Check how well and how quickly your staff are handling complaints. Use the information to decide

do I have an adequate way of handling each type of complaint?

do staff know what our policy is for handling the different types of complaint?

what training do staff need?

do staff need better information about the product?

should I be stocking this brand?

Making repairs

Having good systems in place ensures repairs are carried out correctly, within a reasonable time, and that the customer is kept informed. This is essential to ensuring the customer has confidence in your work.

Checklist

This checklist can be used in a wide range of industries and situations where repairs are carried out:

• Demonstrate that you understand the problem and respect a need for urgency.
• Confirm and explain to the customer in plain language the cause of the problem, and the repair work you will carry out.
• Advise the customer of the shortest time it will take to fix the problem, and confirm that this is acceptable to the customer
• Advise the customer of the cost to fix the problem if the customer is not entitled under law to a free repair. Providing a written quote or estimate could eliminate disputes over the price at a later date.
• Gain the customer’s approval before you begin fixing the problem, to ensure there are no misunderstandings.
• Don’t argue with the customer over the cause of the problem.
• Take responsibility for investigating and fixing the problem. If you believe that misuse is the cause of the problem, take steps to investigate it.
• Make all reasonable attempts to do what you say you’re going to do.
• Notify the customer if there are any changes to the agreed repairs or additional work is required. Remember if you carry out unauthorised work, the customer may not have to pay for this.
• Ensure you have the customer's contact details so you can contact them easily if necessary.
• Advise the customer when the repair is completed.
• Provide the customer with a record of the repair work.
• Where appropriate, explain what you have done to remove the problem and prevent it recurring and ensure the customer has a manual or instructions for using the appliance.
• Invite the customer to contact you promptly if the repair is not working as they expected.

PS: If you like this article then also follow @GetPetrol on twitter at www.twitter.com/GetPetrol

First published at http://www.consumeraffairs.govt.nz/